More Wonder

My parent wondered why I didn't want to play games with the parent. Simple, it wasn't worth the effort. My first memory of the problems is when my parent wanted to play the game of my choice with me so I chose handball. We started to play when the parent made an incorrect play and I pointed it out. The parent asked in a shrill voice "What do you mean?" and was irritated when I explained the particular rule so I said we won't worry about that rule. Then another rule was missed and another and another with the parent getting more irritated with me when I pointed it out. The parent made some comment on how you are just supposed to hit the ball back and forth which to me even back then when I was 6 seemed pretty lame.

The arguments that always happened just made it no fun to play games with my parent. Whenever I was winning the parent would be irritated and I was in a position where I felt I had to apologise for winning and when I would explained rules or the like I was made to feel I was cheating or rewriting the rules to my benefit.

Much simpler to not play games with the parent and if the parent doesn't like it too bad. I ended up feeling guilty for winning that I stopped winning all the time. That's the effect it had on me. I've overcome it now. It's easy when you stay away from a recognised bad influence.

You Don't Have To Wonder Why

My parent would complain about a lack of initiative on my part when I was growing up, you don't have to wonder why though, whenever initiative or new ideas were put forward it became a millstone around my neck. An example is when I mentioned to the parent that potatoes were more nutritious with the jackets on I was told that if I want them that way I have to prepare them myself when it was my turn to help prepare dinner. Usually we would just peel and wash them, put them onto boil and our part was over but when I came up with the jacket potato idea I was looked at as if I was trying to wiggle out of doing my share, this happened whenever i came up with an idea. With the jacket potatoes I had to brush them down so I was hardly avoiding doing my share, I still had to do something and it ended up that the parent tried to get me to do the potatoes like that all the time, do my share and everyone else's as well based on the fact that I wanted the potatoes like that.

I wasn't suggesting doing something a different way to avoid doing my share nor was I making suggestions to end up with more work. I figured when it was my turn to do the potatoes we would have jacket and if the others wanted them like that they would do it like that when it was their turn to prepare the potatoes otherwise they'd peel them and we would have them the usual way and have some variety between jacket and peeled.

I argued my way out of having to always do the potatoes and therefore everyone else's share of the work but not without having to respond to some weird and self serving arguments from the parent. The next night the parent tried to ignore the fact I won the argument by demanding i do the potatoes and then stating that it had been agreed the previous night and also that jacket potatoes were actually the parents idea, the parent explained all the benefits to me as if I had never said anything in favour of them.

I just ignored the parent, I knew I was in the right and I was not going to cave in regardless of what the parent said or did and my parent knew I was right. Later on the parent tried to make out it was all a misunderstanding but not without an insinuation it was my fault and that I was silly for fighting over something as trivial as potatoes.

It wasn't potatoes we were fighting about, it doesn't matter if something is about potatoes or something major like running a company, it was how my attempts to contribute ideas were always looked upon with suspicion, how my ideas almost always nearly ended up with landing me extra work, how the parent would hijack the idea and make out it was their own idea even to the point of telling me what I needed to do and then when I wised up and just stopped giving ideas I was criticised for a lack of innovation.

When I was asked why I didn't contribute I could have said how I always had to fight the parent to get the idea across but I didn't think the argument we'd have would be worth the effort so I just left the question unanswered.

Backstabber

There was a relative who my parent always allowed to come and visit semi regularly, this relative would always manage to cause trouble and yet was always allowed to return. My parent dealt with this by taking it out on me, somehow it was my fault the relative acted up, I was supposed to be making sure the relative was behaving and giving appropriate lectures to the relative when the relative misbehaved.

Not my place, I am the youngest but somehow it fell upon me to give the lectures, I’m not the one who said yes to the relatives visits, I had told my parent that we should stop allowing the relative to visit, especially as I was the one who ended up having it all taken out on me. The parent said we would team up against the relative, stick together and not allow the relative to undermine us. The parent did not lay out a strategy for this and when I asked how would we do it the parent stated we would stick together. How? HOW??? No further comment from the parent.

Since I had just become a teenager I was supposed to just know these things.

Sticking together to the parent meant yelling at me at the drop of a hat and in front of the relative and yet I was supposed to be responsible for the relatives’ behaviour. Being yelled at all the time and being the youngest sort of meant I lacked the credibility with the relative.

One day there was a strange cat in the yard, I casually mentioned it to the parent who told me to ‘find out about it’.

My response was “Find out about it? What do you mean?” The parent again said, “Find out about it.” also saying we should catch the cat and give it to relevant animal care group. I pointed out to the parent we did not have exclusive rights to having cats in the neighbourhood.

I caught the cat and at this point the relative came out, I said to the relative go and tell the parent I caught the cat. The relative said, “Oh yeah, [the parent] says bring the cat in.”

When I walked in the parent went off their head and screamed at full volume, which caused the cat to urinated everywhere before running back outside. The parent then screamed the question why did I bring the cat in and I responded with “[the relative] told me that you wanted me to” to which the relative said, “no I didn’t.”

As the parent started howling incoherently the relative and I ran out of the house and around the corner where the relative called a friend to drive over and pick the relative up leaving me to face an irrational parent.

The parent had locked the house so I could not get in. In my confusion and frustration with the situation I came up with a lame strategy, I knocked on the door and told the parent that the relative had left and that the parent can let me in or I will kill myself. A silly comment I regret making to this day.

The parent said “Go and do it then. Before slamming the door.

A short time later I came up with some lame comments where I took all the blame and made all appropriate lamentations and had to endure the self-serving comments from the parent.

Next day my parent is on the phone to someone relaying the story and finishing up with my silly comments and a stupid laugh. It was all my fault according to the parent.

It was definitely the fault of my parent, first of all my parent failed to be a parent! Leaving it all to a teenager to take care of the situation with no real say in anything to begin with? I would not have been in that position to say stupid things if it wasn’t for sheer laziness and lack of any behaviour of substance from the parent.

The parent should have not worried about the cat and the parent should not have screamed at me when I cam in with the cat. There was no reason to scream and a golden opportunity to catch the relative out as a liar was missed.

The parent told me later that once again I had been lead astray by the relative and had done exactly what the relative wanted by bringing the cat inside and causing trouble.

When I asked my parent about the screaming the parent told me how they were at wits end because of the relative and my bringing the cat in was the last straw and that was the end of the subject.

The reality is it was the parent who was led astray by the relative and did exactly what the relative wanted. The parent was the adult in this situation and was the one who said the relative could come over even though the relative always caused trouble and the parent is the one who yelled and screamed even though the parent was not the one taking the brunt of the relatives bad behaviour, it was me and if I yelled like that I would have had strips torn off me for losing my temper and freaking the cat out.

The parent didn’t need to yell, the only thing required was my parent telling me to take the cat back outside and there would have been no further problem with a freaked out cat but my parent preferred to yell and scream at the drop of the hat had thousands of ready excuses for why they were exempt for the consequences of their actions.

The parent stabbed me in the back, instead of sticking with me the parent turned on me and here’s the consequence of that attitude, I have no sympathy for all the woes my parent supposedly suffered through life because if these bad things really happened they were probably all self inflicted.

And My Story

My parent would also get in my way when my friends were around, it got to the point of not passing phone calls from my friends to me. My friends would ask to speak to me and my parent would ignore this and attempt to launch into a conversation with them. Repeated requests to speak to me were ignored and it got to the point where my friends just stopped calling me because more often than not they couldn't get past my parent to speak to me.

When I attempted to speak to my parent about this situation I was told by my parent in a most irritating tone of voice that I was jealous that certain people were friends of my parent as well, I stated again that these people had asked to speak me and weren't being put through only again to be told that I'm jealous.

I'm not jealous, I'm furious! These people had asked to speak to me and weren't put through because of some sad old loser trying to pretend they had some friends. These people calling and asking to speak to me weren't your friends oh parent of mine, they were my friends. They knew you and would say hello and be polite to you because they didn't hate you but they were never your friends. Like that other post says. get your own friends and leave mine alone!

My Story

I had a parent who kept getting in my face every time my friends came around, my parent was trying to get attention and to show off. My friend and myself were changing a bike part, a cotter pin which holds the pedals in place.

To start the job we had to take the old pin out when my parent comes out and starts quoting from a bicycle book that we needed to put a piece of wood under the pedal. I said that's for putting a pin in, we are taking one out. My parent then states we have to put the wood there or we will damage the pin. I then state that it doesn't matter if we damage the pin, as soon as it's out it will be thrown away. My parent repeats in a high pitched screaming tone of voice that we need the wood because we will damage the pin before walking off.

All this has taken place in front of my friend, my parent was always highly visible and in the way when my friends were around.

Moments later my parent comes out and with a sort of nervous chuckle says "Oh so you are taking the pin out, oh, ha ha ha ha." before scuttling off again.

My parent was trying to show off, My parent had read the bicycle book and was expecting admiration for doing so. My view is that book is no good if you don't know the job that was actually being done at the time, so keen to show off was my parent that my comment that the wrong procedure was being quoted was ignored. My friend and I got to finish the repair job without further interruption but with each incident like that involving my parent I was less inclined to take friends home until I eventually refused to do so. My parent seemed to think everyone was there to see them. I say get your own friends and if you can't don't try and make problems for me and my friends.

When I was a teenager and I'm gaining a sense of self identity and self respect, my parent tells me of a great hairdressing shop at the local shopping centre and how I should have my hair cut there one time. I agree to accompany my parent to this hairdressing shop. On arrival my parent states that we are to both have our hair cut at this shop. My parent is served first and the cutting commences. While the parent is being hair styled one of the hairdressers motions me to a seat and my styling begins.

When my haircut is completed I go to the waiting area but my parent is not there, I am informed that my parent has left the store. I await the return of my parent and when my parent returns and starts screaming at me right there in the shopping centre.

"Where were you?" I am asked in a shrill and indignant tone of voice.

The question surprises me, after all it was the idea of my parent to bring me to this shop and I agreed to get my haircut there, why would my parent be asking where I had been??

I am seriously embarrassed by all this and am not sure how to respond. My parent pays the bill and as we head home I am told that when my parent had returned to the waiting area I was not there and my parent had left the store to try and find me as my parent had wanted a specific staff member of this store to do my hair. This was the first I had heard of that particular idea, I was originally told that I was to have my hair cut at this specific store. My parent further stated how they believed I had left the store. I stated that I was there getting my hair cut. My parent responded with 'Well I didn't see you' and when I responded with 'You didn't look properly' my parent responded back with "Yes I did!"

My response was "You didn't, I was in there getting my hair cut"

The parental response, said in a 'indignant and I am right' tone of voice was "All I know is when I came out from my haircut you weren't there" and when I repeated that I was getting a hair cut we went back to the beginning of the conversation with the 'Well I didn't see you' statement leading the whole argument into a repeating loop.

My parent didn't state that a specific hairdresser was to do the haircut, my parent is the one who wandered off, my parent refused to acknowledge that it was not my mistake, not my misunderstanding and then refused acknowledge the proof that I was getting my hair cut, that being the fact that my hair had been cut.

That in combination with a few other stunts is why I have no respect for my parent. The lesson for others here? For one thing say exactly what you mean, don't say one thing and expect someone else to guess you mean something else, look around properly and don't try and deny you are wrong when there is obvious evidence that you are wrong.

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